a place to write with no regrets

you know, i came here just to read a friends blog, but lately, i've been thinking about how much i need a place to write with no regret. no worry that my words will offend, or insult, and cause drama.

i just moved to houston, texas, from denver, colorado. there have been times since my move that i have been so pissed at myself for doing it, but then i remember my reasons for leaving.

in denver, i always did the same bullshit. worked, hated it, spent my money, had no money, then did it all over again. i hung out with people who had no reality for themselves. they either always pretended it was all alright, or had such a false sense of their own reality, that they ran around in costumes, pretending to be someone else - someone better. whether i wanted it to or not, their complete lack of self identity affected my knowledge of my own self.

who is alicia reese?

that is what i came to houston to find. in denver, i have people i've known for the majority of my life. i have people like stephanie, robin, bryan, ronnie, mel, laura, jimmy...that formed me, moulded me - people that i hope i helped mould as well. they were my grounds for morals. it's because of them that i know i am more successful than my siblings. it's because of their true, real support that i never turned to drugs, dropping out of school and forgoing education like my siblings did.

in denver, i also have the people that came into my life at the end of my time in colorado - they are people that have taught me about my relationships with people. they've taught me who, and what i want to associate with in my future. some of them, britt and julie, especially, are people that have showed me how to step from youth, to young adult. julie is a woman who is not afraid to be successful, to drink, to fuck, to party, to cry, to move, to sit still. and britt, she is not afraid to hold on tight to everything she believes in, even if everyone else around her disagrees.

on the flipside, there are the people in denver that have taught me what i do not want. i am not comfortable with settling for less. i am not afraid to move away. i am not going to put on a mask, a costume, and an act to cover my own insecurities. they have taught me to be proud of my confidence in myself, through their own rather warped version of the same thing.

in houston, i have my mom, and my step dad. i have no one else. i have the freedom and the opportunity to do whatever. already, i have started a job, and i'm about to quit it for another. a job i might not have taken in colorado because of the pay. i'm learning to drive. i'm meeting new people. i'm turning 21 in three months. the people here that i am meeting are different, they're mature. there's a different scene. it's a big, fun, exciting city with crazy weather and even crazier drivers.

i miss denver, and i miss all the negatives, the possitives and the memories. but i guess i also love that i can have a fresh start.

i've already met someone who could possibly be a love interest.

i have no baggage. no expectations. no limitations. no history. it's frightening, but exciting.

i'll be driving soon, getting my own car soon. succeeding and loving, and enjoying work.

in colorado, i couldn't write this freely. i'd regret it, because i know there are people who don't expect me to be happy down here. there are people that don't want me to enjoy myself - because they are not themselves.

i suppose, to the people i moved away from - stephanie, robin, bryan, ronnie, mel, jimmy, julie, allyce, britt, jackie, robyn, dad....and people i had just barely started to get to know, delshay, graciela, ruth, david...i shall miss you and if any of you need me, feel free to ask.

i guess i just hope i don't get blown away in a hurricane down here!