things i want, and dont necessarily need

i turn 21 in less than a month.

so yay. i am going to make a list, and also ramble you to death.

for my birthday; here is a picture show.


because i like it.


because i want it. definitely don't need it 16 gigs.


HP dv4t-1465dx.

Annnd


I'll laugh if facebook doesn't let me use that HTML tag. Cause I bet it won't.

Anyways, now on to my rambling.

Why in the world would I need a new computer? I really don't know. Mine is slow. I want something thats better for media playing. Something that's smaller and more compact for writing. I mean, don't get my wrong. Obviously, my computer works. Here I am, typing away to my hearts content. I love it!

Perhaps there is a severe downfall to a computer geek working in an electronics store. I see the new pretty computers with their core 2 duo processors and their shiney 4gbs of RAM...and their fancy media controllers. And their fancier webcams and lalalala.... (we'll not even discuss the severe envy of those core 2 quads!) And my cute, quaint little Toshiba, which is the one thing I would probably bring with me to a deserted island (would probably get an aircard, so i could get greg and david off my butt at work! lol) ...is plain with it's intel pentium dual core and it's 2gbs of RAM. OH and Windows 7. Siiiiigh.

and why in the hell, would someone who has spouted for years about how much she hates Apple. And how much iTunes sucks and la di fricken da, want an iTouch? Well, because she's touched it! And her mp3 player certainly doesn't stand up to it. Boo. And who wouldn't want to get on the internet and download stupid zippo apps and pretend to light people on fire? And who wouldn't want to better organize their life with cool calendars and touch screens and have their music to inspire them all in one?

The most rational wish I have was more money. More money and health insurance. I want a car, soon. So I can drive away three hours, or six or eight, or only 15 minutes to work without having to worry.

Bella broke her foot last night at like 2 am. We had to take her to a puppy emergency room and they had to set her foot in a cast. :( Poor baby. I agonized about the 500 dollars I donated to the cause, but as Gene tells me, "You cannot put a price on someone's life." It is definitely true. I do love that dog, and I would have done it for Cooper, or My, or Stormy or Kitty boy, or Xena. She would have been in pain, and my selfishness would have been gut wrenching. My want for an iTouch (I was going to buy one with some of my Blue Crew Bucks) is not worth more than my puppy's little foot.

Anyways, I'm done. I'll tag some of the people I talked about.

update

what to say about my life?

i don't even think anyone is reading this.

the power of music

its very strange how music affects me. a while ago, i broke the headphone jack on my computer, and never really got around to fixing it....or buying anything to substitute it. finally, i impulse bought a creative soundblaster X-Fi 5.1 external sound drive from work, and i feel like my life is complete once again. i can play music from my computer again, and it sounds good! i can display on msn what i'm listening too! whoo! such simplistic, stupidly nerdy things just make my life.

oh! i suppose the like...three of you who read this might be interested in the silly goings-on of my life. if not, well, you're going to read it anyways. i work at best buy now. i have for about a month - i really love it. right when i moved to texas, i got a job at target and it sucked ass. getting paid like 8 bucks an hour to manage a bunch of bratty high school kids expiriencing their first 'real job.' woulda been more worth it if i had been getting paid a managers wage, but no.

the people at best buy are really quite amazing, there's some sort of warm and welcoming personality about them all. it's almost like the manager, jack, has put a finger on exactly the kind of personality that he works well with, and has hired everyone with that personality. so, of course, everyone is like me; a good, honest worker, but also someone that is fun and exciting to be around. we all get along so well. i don't think there's a single person that i have met there that i do not like....and that is refreshing! plus, the discount on nerdy things is amazing. it's odd how surrounding myself with nurturing people and selling things that i am passionate about (computers) has really bettered my outlook on this whole move to texas.

i feel like the move has made me mature in some weird way that i cannot explain. it is honestly the only big, major thing that i have ever actually gone through with. i've never actually succeeded at anything i planned, especially anything that was this random. it's refreshing and a bit startling. i remember alot of people told me that i wasn't going to do it, that there was no way i'd go through with it - and if i did, well....i'd be back soon! well, it doesn't look like that's going to happen.

i think i have found a niche at best buy. it's a company that encourages growth and promotion for the people who really want it - and i do really want it. some people tell me to go to school....maybe i will, but right now i love the freedom i have. yes, i have a job. yes, i have a responsibility. but it can change, my circumstances are not static. that is my fear about school. i fear that i will be stuck in one spot for forever. i'm already 20, almost 21, and to start school now would mean having to dedicate myself and most, if not all of my energy to school until i am 25. that's frightening. terrifying, actually. how in the whole world am i going to expirience my life when it's all stuck in school? for some people, school is alot of expirience. my friend robin has seen foreign country already because of school, my friend stephanie is going to new zealand because of her education. my friend way has lived and learned in the UK, malaysia, and the US because of the time he's spent in school. but they all got an early start, haha. and i've already been to tokyo, i've already been to paris. i want to go more places.

wow, i am rambling quite alot more than i expected too, but i am sure that can be blamed on the fact that i now have my music back.

i wish i could find someone who would want to sit in my room with all the lights off, lay on my bed and listen to loud music with me. i don't know. i listen to music by myself all the time, and i get really into it. i play the air drums, air guitar, i sing and i dance...but that's all by myself. i wonder if anyone else can be moved by my music as much as me. like for example...

the song miseria cantare: the beginning, by AFI. I'm playing it so loud right now, and it's given me shivers all up and down my spine. i can feel the bass rumbling against the bottom of my feet. i can feel the echo of "you are now, one, one of us!" in my heart. why? because i've seen AFI live many times before. that particular song has inspired many writings of mine.

now, poker face by lady gaga. this song seriously makes me dance. i am dancing in my seat as i am playing this right now! i hope i dont wake up my parents. and after he's been hooked, i'll play the one that's on his heart. i have shivers, and i just want to dance! can't read my poker face.

is it possible that there's someone out there in the world that wants to listen to music with me, shop with me and travel with me. russian roulette is not the same without a gun, and baby, when it's love if it's not rough, it isn't fun.

pa pa pa poker face, pa pa poker face~

i dunno, i should go to bed.

i need to remember to update this.

i feel like shit right now. kinda like im going to puke everywhere. yaaay.

i think i'll set this thing up in my internet explorer.

blah.

a place to write with no regrets

you know, i came here just to read a friends blog, but lately, i've been thinking about how much i need a place to write with no regret. no worry that my words will offend, or insult, and cause drama.

i just moved to houston, texas, from denver, colorado. there have been times since my move that i have been so pissed at myself for doing it, but then i remember my reasons for leaving.

in denver, i always did the same bullshit. worked, hated it, spent my money, had no money, then did it all over again. i hung out with people who had no reality for themselves. they either always pretended it was all alright, or had such a false sense of their own reality, that they ran around in costumes, pretending to be someone else - someone better. whether i wanted it to or not, their complete lack of self identity affected my knowledge of my own self.

who is alicia reese?

that is what i came to houston to find. in denver, i have people i've known for the majority of my life. i have people like stephanie, robin, bryan, ronnie, mel, laura, jimmy...that formed me, moulded me - people that i hope i helped mould as well. they were my grounds for morals. it's because of them that i know i am more successful than my siblings. it's because of their true, real support that i never turned to drugs, dropping out of school and forgoing education like my siblings did.

in denver, i also have the people that came into my life at the end of my time in colorado - they are people that have taught me about my relationships with people. they've taught me who, and what i want to associate with in my future. some of them, britt and julie, especially, are people that have showed me how to step from youth, to young adult. julie is a woman who is not afraid to be successful, to drink, to fuck, to party, to cry, to move, to sit still. and britt, she is not afraid to hold on tight to everything she believes in, even if everyone else around her disagrees.

on the flipside, there are the people in denver that have taught me what i do not want. i am not comfortable with settling for less. i am not afraid to move away. i am not going to put on a mask, a costume, and an act to cover my own insecurities. they have taught me to be proud of my confidence in myself, through their own rather warped version of the same thing.

in houston, i have my mom, and my step dad. i have no one else. i have the freedom and the opportunity to do whatever. already, i have started a job, and i'm about to quit it for another. a job i might not have taken in colorado because of the pay. i'm learning to drive. i'm meeting new people. i'm turning 21 in three months. the people here that i am meeting are different, they're mature. there's a different scene. it's a big, fun, exciting city with crazy weather and even crazier drivers.

i miss denver, and i miss all the negatives, the possitives and the memories. but i guess i also love that i can have a fresh start.

i've already met someone who could possibly be a love interest.

i have no baggage. no expectations. no limitations. no history. it's frightening, but exciting.

i'll be driving soon, getting my own car soon. succeeding and loving, and enjoying work.

in colorado, i couldn't write this freely. i'd regret it, because i know there are people who don't expect me to be happy down here. there are people that don't want me to enjoy myself - because they are not themselves.

i suppose, to the people i moved away from - stephanie, robin, bryan, ronnie, mel, jimmy, julie, allyce, britt, jackie, robyn, dad....and people i had just barely started to get to know, delshay, graciela, ruth, david...i shall miss you and if any of you need me, feel free to ask.

i guess i just hope i don't get blown away in a hurricane down here!